I just got back from a quick trip down south. The company I work for (Yup, I work part time as an insurance broker) had a convention in a town a couple hours away from my friends who are taking care of their nephew who was taken by the ministry and placed in their custody. I went to the convention on my regular work day (Monday), and got the company to postpone my return flight to Friday. I rented a car and drove on over to visit my friends and help them out for a few days. They have a three year old who is feeling a bit displaced.
It is really very interesting and thought invoking to see the "other" side, the family side, of MCFD cases. It really does put openness in a different light. What if, heaven forbid, the ministry found a reason to take that baby away from the aunt and uncle who have taken him on, and decided to raise him as their own son? They would be devastated. What if he was adopted by strangers and they didn't have an openness agreement. Would that be fair to them? Would that be fair to the baby? They're a part of him - they should be in his life.
While on my little trip I went in to a used book store to see if they had any books on adoption (my current collection obsession) - I asked the lady at the front if they had any and she responded that she didn't think there were any, but that she would show me the parenting section. We arrived at the section and she looked at me and said "I adopted 30 years ago, and again 25 years ago". I blurted out some questions at her before I realized it was probably rude to do so. When I thought about it I did tell her that if she felt I was out of line she of course didn't have to answer. She laughed at me and told me that she used to speak at adoption conferences and such. We chatted for a good 15 minutes. She adopted through the ministry as well, but she adopted infants. They adopted their son after waiting 3.5 years, and their daughter 5 years after that. It's amazing the people God places in our life. She recommended a book "Why Was I Adopted?" (http://books.google.ca/books/about/Why_was_I_Adopted.html?id=KbFRdyvdlb8C&redir_esc=y) I had actually seen that book at another used book store earlier that day, but passed it over, because it was mostly about infant adoption. I felt that it may actually make older adopted children bitter because of some of the themes.
I had walked to the book store from my friends house - the book store was at the bottom of a long long hill - so I had some time to think coming up the hill. I really don't think I will find a children's book that will address the situation that the children we adopt will be coming from. So I actually decided that when the time comes I will write them their story. I will write it, and illustrate it, and bind it, if it will help them to understand better where they came from, and how they ended it up in our life.
I found a couple books about FASD in Value Village (have I mentioned that I LOVE Value Village for books?). I really had no knowledge of FAS or FASD. I devoured one entire book on the plane "Living with FASD a guide for parents" by Sara Graefe. I feel like I have a basic understanding, but would need a LOT more information before being able to definitively agree to take on a child with FAS. We weren't able to take the AFABC webinar on substance exposed children because of my trip. I'm hoping they run it again in the fall. (I wish that our friends would have taken the webinar actually, as their nephew was substance exposed in utero - I message my friend when I found out about the course but she never seemed interested.)
Well I've rambled on enough for tonight. I'm sure I'll be back with more words of miscellany soon.
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